Abusers who are close to us, e.g. family members, can get under our radar. They know exactly which buttons to push. Having experienced this recently, with attendant shock, distress and anger, I've also received excellent advice from friends as to how to deal with it in future. The person concerned is now out of my life, so hopefully I won't have to. They are good techniques anyway.
"Put up a mirror," said my wonderful massage therapist, while simultaneously working to release the trauma from my body. "When you get those emails, reflect the energy back. That says, 'It's not my stuff, it's yours, have it back.' It's amazing how effective it is. Even while they're thinking and saying all that stuff, they start to get an inkling that maybe it's theirs."
I recounted this conversation to another friend, who said, "Rhodonite. Or Tourmaline. They do that; they reflect things back to the source. Tourmaline does it strongly, rhodonite more lovingly. You need to wear one of them."
The only piece of tourmaline I have is much too big to wear, but I found a nice piece of rhodonite among my crystals, which I added to the crystal pouch which I sometimes wear around my neck. Sometimes has just become always!
I'm good at visualisation, but not everyone is. It might be hard for some people to whack up the image of a mirror at a moment's notice. Also, it's easy to forget any technique in a stressful moment. Wearing something that does the same job is a good fail-safe.