The New Love in My Life

The moon goddess Selene, whom my new cat is named after, was a Greek goddess. Though there were other moon goddesses, she was the one who embodied 'the moon incarnate'. A friend just showed me this image of her.  (I don't know where it came from so cannot give attribution. No breach of copyright is intended.)

I see that I named my cat well: she has the same slim grace and fine bone structure. (She was previously called Queenie, a name I dislike. To avoid confusing her, I gave her one that rhymed with it. A happy choice!)

When I was on holiday last month, a friend did a Tarot reading for me, for the year to come. The cards that came up in the area of relationship indicated that I would have much new learning to do, and that there would be a brilliant new beginning.

Child of Crystals (Learner) and Ace of Crystals (Brilliance) 

from Voyager™ deck.

I am certainly learning a lot from Selene-cat. I know from her records, via microchip, that she is nearly eight (birthday 1st April), desexed, and has had two previous owners that we know about (probably more * ). It is apparent that she has had at least one litter. From external signs plus telepathic tuning-in by various psychics I know, it appears that she was once a wild cat, not much socialised with humans when young, has experienced abuse, and at some stage has had to scrounge for food. 

She has issues around food, abandonment, and the possibility of being hurt. We got off to a bad start when I misread her cues and treated her like my previous cats, all of whom I raised from when they were youngsters. Instead of backing off when she hissed at me, I blithely picked her up. I got scratched and bitten; she got smacked and scolded. 

It was only her second day with me. I under-estimated how traumatised she was feeling. I should have realised – to this cat I was not Mum, nor Alpha; I was some stranger she'd been dumped on for the second time in six months. Also, she is no child, but an adult who has survived a lot. When I used Reiki II after our – er – misunderstanding, I picked up enormous fear and agitation.

Reiki, pheromones, Rescue Remedy, and letting her set the pace have resulted in her feeling much more relaxed and confident, only three and a half weeks later. She is now an affectionate, trusting, well-behaved cat – with me. She is wary of visitors and it's a rare one she allows close. That's OK, this is a long-term relationship. There will be time for her to feel safer and surer.

Several of my psychic friends have told me she is my new familiar. Some have expressed the opinion that she will become even more special to me than any other cat I've shared my life with – and that this is not a matter of which of us is to be dominant, but rather a relationship of equals. I am conscious of the need to respect her as the mature adult she is, not patronise her as a child. 

One visitor she did allow close was an old friend who came for an energy clearing session. This woman has been working consciously, for years, to more and more embody Unconditional Love. Selene came up to her, investigated the smell and the energy, and gave signs of approval with a little pat of her paw and a rub against my friend's leg. Then she retreated again until we got to a major part of the clearing. She got up on my friend's lap and stayed there until that bit was accomplished, then calmly removed herself again. Yes, that's surely the behaviour of a familiar, lending her energy as required! She had only been here a week at that point.

So many psychic friends told me, after the beloved Spouse died, that a new man would come into my life, and that this would be different from previous relationships. More of a companionship thing than a passionate affair, they said, but nevertheless a great love. In some ways, I was told, this relationship would be more compatible and harmonious than any other. 'There's no reason friendship can't include something more,' some added. 

Well, it didn't happen. A few possibilities showed up, but came to nothing. Friendships, yes, but not particularly close ones. And in truth, I don't yearn for another man in my life in any closer way. I already have wonderful friendships of long standing, with both men and women, and have been so well loved in my life in all sorts of ways that I don't feel I've missed out on anything. (A 'handbag' would be nice occasionally, lol – but is by no means essential.) 

Now I am wondering if they got a detail wrong – perhaps not a new man but a new cat? After Freya and then Levi died, I decided I would not get another cat. For a few months I enjoyed my new freedom: not accountable to anybody else, not responsible for anyone, human or animal.  It was liberating to be able to stay out, on impulse, as long as I liked. It was great to go on a long holiday over Christmas and New Year and catch up with many of my favourite people in other places. But after a while, living self-indulgently began to feel rather pointless.

Still I would not have set out to acquire another cat. A dear friend begged me to take this one. She had belonged to the friend's daughter for about six months, but the young woman realised her lifestyle meant the cat was in danger of being neglected. My friend would have loved to take her, but is not allowed cats where she rents. I could not bear to think of a beautiful creature being neglected or homeless, and I wanted to relieve my friend's distress at the situation. 

'It's not a love affair,' I told people when she first came. 'It's more like an arranged marriage.' And it is certainly different from any previous cat relationships I've ever had. Further, I perceive that we are alike in many ways. She is quite the mirror at times! And we seem to suit each other. She is very undemanding and self-contained. Yet she also has times of being very affectionate, actually initiating cuddles and strokings. By now I totally love her, and she shows every sign of loving me too. Many of the things said about the man who was supposedly coming could well apply to Selene. I'll certainly be happy enough if so!

I still have pangs at times, when I think of Levi and Freya. I still love them and miss them.  But that has nothing to do with Selene. It is a separate matter. The old grief, which I'm still working through to some extent, coexists with the new, intriguing relationship I'm beginning to build.

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* (The woman who gave her to my friend's daughter thought she was about five and a half at that time, two years short of her actual age according to the birth date listed on the data base. This makes me think she had not had her the whole time since kittenhood, particularly as she failed to provide documentation of Selene's history, though she was listed as owner on the data base. That only shows the current owner – now listed as me. There could have been several others. I imagine that at some stage she was a rescue cat who had been on her own, had kittens, and was then taken into care, spayed and microchipped, and possibly fostered before a person was found for her. This is at least her third home, and possibly fourth or more, even if you don't count fending for herself at some period, as we suspect. Well, the buck stops here.)

A CAT VISITATION

It’s wet out – very light, drizzly, nonstop rain. Levi is having a quiet day inside on some cushions. I too am having a quiet day, in dressing-gown and slippers, to shake off the last of the flu.  

But I had to put the bins out on the street. As I did that just now, taking the recycle bin from its possie by the fence, when I turned to move it to the street I saw over my shoulder a familiar cat shape pacing down the driveway towards me.

I thought that was awfully quick for Levi to have gone to his cat door, and then come all the way around the house ... hang on, it wasn’t a black cat but a grey one.

When I turned back to go fetch the other bin, there was no cat to be seen. Levi, of course, was still on his cushions when I came back inside.

It’s a mixture of sad and sweet to know that my precious girl, Freya, who died last September, still comes visiting now and then.

Oh of course — it's Samhain! (When the veil between the worlds thins and we may see our dearly departed.)

COMFORT COMES

My little cat, Freya, left me just over a week ago, as recounted at my SnakyPoet blog.

By that evening I had developed the worst back-ache of my life, across the whole of my back from neck to tail and side to side. It lasted the best part of three days, and at its worst was almost crippling. Luckily all I had to do all weekend was sit in front of a computer, hosting my section of a collaborative virtual book launch.

That was a commitment I couldn't get out of. The only other person who might have been able to fill in for my hours was ill herself, and hardly likely to make an instantaneous, miraculous recovery just because my circumstances had suddenly altered.

As it turned out, the launch was tremendous fun. Doing my duty was a blessing in disguise, as it took my mind off the emotional distress. And what with pain-killers and hot water bottles, sitting at my desk was probably one of my better options for not exacerbating the back-ache.

I had to be on deck for the launch on Saturday morning, so couldn't dash off to the doctor until Monday. I called on absent Reiki from two friends, swearing them to online secrecy. (I didn't want to deflect attention away from the purpose of the launch, let alone make my collaborators feel guilty. Being caring people, I thought they might have done, however irrationally.)

What caused the pain? There were two possibilities. Either the new weekly tablet for osteoporosis, which I began that morning, or Freya's departure that afternoon. Maybe both.

Painkillers, heat and absent Reiki did help some, but not as much as I'd have liked. Not immediately, anyway. I wondered if I would have to end up going to hospital. But who would look after my remaining cat, Levi, if that happened? And how would the poor lad cope with my absence, when still distressed at that of his sister?

During my tea break on Saturday, at one point I lay down on the bed to have a cry — partly at losing my Freya, partly from pain, and partly in anxiety about how to cope. It was clear to me that, with sole responsibility for Levi, I just can't afford to have any serious health breakdowns!

Levi came onto the bed and snuggled up to my back, needing comfort himself. I started to turn, so as to take him in my arms and say, 'What are we going to do, Levi?' As I did, I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye of Andrew (my late husband) standing by the bed in his white shirt. I didn't even see his face, but after living with the man for 20 years, I know his torso — and his energy.

'Andrew!' I said, half turning back — not in alarm but in surprised greeting. Of course, the image had already vanished (that is the way of it in my experience) but I knew he was still there.

'I don't know what to do,' I told him. I explained about the pain, the possibility of hospital, and my concerns for Levi. I explained about having to be present for the launch, so as not to let others down.

'Help me!' I said. Then I lay back, exhausted from that small effort.

I sensed him reach down and give me Reiki. I didn't feel disembodied hands on me or anything. Instead I had a mental image of him reaching his arms down so that his hands touched my shoulders. Funnily enough, although I had seen and still felt him by the bed, my image was of his arms having to elongate and stretch a long way down. But I didn't think much about that at the time, through the pain; it only registered afterwards.

What I did feel was the Reiki taking effect very quickly. Not only did the pain reduce considerably, my sorrow was eased by a deep feeling of peace. Neither pain nor emotional distress went away entirely, but I was very soon able to get up, feed myself and Levi, and go back online refreshed.

By Sunday morning the pain was starting to leave. By the time I saw the doctor on Monday, it had almost gone. He said he couldn't rule out the medicine but that was not one of the known side-effects, and as it's a slow-acting drug, he wouldn't have expected any reaction so soon. He did, however, think it feasible that it could have been due to emotional stress.

'We won't know until you take your next tablet next Friday,' he said. The mere thought of taking another was scary, just in case it was the cause!

But it is true that emotions tend to go straight to my body. I'll get a cold, or a headache, or a bit of low back pain. I just never experienced quite such an extreme physical reaction before. (Well, there's a school of thought, to which I partly subscribe, which says most or even all physical symptoms can be traced to an emotional origin — but not usually so fast.)

I saw my chiropractor on Tuesday. He felt my back and confirmed that there was  'a large stress component' in what had happened. And I took the second tablet this Friday without the same effects.

Since then, Freya herself has come back to visit, as detailed in this short poem.

It's nice to get such vivid reminders that my dear departed are still around, and to know that Andrew still has, as I always told him, 'the best Reiki hands in the business'.

A Nose for Healing

I can be slow on the uptake!  Our cat Freya has been rather clingy of late. In particular she likes to get on the bed when we retire for the night and come up close to be stroked. She stays there a long time, purring under our hands. This is a new development.

I noticed recently that she was looking a bit off colour and took her to the vet. Early kidney disease! (She is 12 years old.) She is now being treated to prevent it getting any worse and seems to be responding well.

Finally the penny dropped about her bedtime behaviour — she is ensuring that she gets her regular Reiki treatments!

I should have realised. Cats, like other animals, love Reiki.

Freya, as explained in another blog, is a reincarnation of a previous cat, Sam, who had feline leukemia but lasted many years becase of Reiki. He had a nose for healing hands and would leap into the arms of any newcomer to the house who happened to be a healer. In this incarnation too, living with two Reiki Masters, Freya knows where to come to look after her health!