By Caitlin Johnstone

How To Love Yourself

Caitlin Johnstone

Jan 14, 2019 · 4 min read

Bring a deep, enthusiastic “yes” to whatever feels like the center of your experience right now. Not with your thoughts, but with your feelings.

Go on. Try it. You can’t do it wrong.

If you have a thought rattling around in your head that’s taking up a lot of attention, that’s the center of your experience in this moment. Bring a deep, enthusiastic “yes” to that. Take it in the exact opposite direction of rejection, and embrace it fully.

If you have an emotion, if you’re looking at something interesting, if you’re just feeling your body, whatever’s in the spotlight of your attention in the present moment, bring a full, unequivocal “yes” to that experience. Not to the thing itself, but to your experience of it. If you’re thinking about a murderer, you’re not sitting there going “Yeah, murderers!”, you’re bringing a deep, penetrating “yes” to your experience of thinking about the murderer.

If you are having difficulty fully yessing what’s in the center of your experience, bring a deep, experiential “yes” to that difficulty. If you’re having some elements of rejection or revulsion toward what happens to be at the center of your experience in a given moment, bring a deep, enthusiastic “yes” to your experience of that rejection or revulsion. You will notice the rejection or revulsion relaxing the more “yes” you can bring to it.

Practice doing this in each moment. Keep turning your attention to whatever feels more or less like the core of your experience, no matter how insignificant or petty it may seem at first glance, and give it a full embrace of felt affirmation with 100 percent of your being. If there is resistance to this embrace, embrace that resistance with 100 percent of your being. Practice doing this from moment to moment to moment throughout your day.

This doesn’t mean accepting anything anyone tries to impose upon you, and it doesn’t mean ceasing to say “No” with your voice. You can say “No” with your mouth while fully and deeply yessing that experience in the present moment. It simply means making a practice of bringing a deep “yes” to the core of your being in each moment.

This is the direct path to self-love.

Many people say the words “I just need to learn to love myself,” or intuit that many of their inner difficulties stem from self-hatred, but putting self-love into practice is a confusing ordeal that people rarely seem to know how to navigate. If they were raised in a loving environment, they tend to do it naturally, and if they were raised in an environment full of rejection, they tend to internalize that rejection.

The reason self-love is such a confusing ideal to put into practice despite one’s ability to intuit its central value is because our society is full of so much confusion about what the word “love” means, and because there is no actual, tangible “self” that can be found anywhere in experience. Two things:

1 — The most useful definition of love I’ve been able to come up with is a deep, enthusiastic yes to something. It’s the exact opposite of total rejection, which is the experience of “No, all no to all of this.” It’s the experience of “Oh! All yes to all of this!” It’s as simple as that, and it’s a skill you can get better at.

2 — When I say there is no self that can be found anywhere in experience, I mean no matter how hard you look within your own field of experience you’ll never find a solid thing in the here and now that can accurately be labeled “me”. You’ll find sensory impressions, feelings, thoughts, and a mental story about an individual with a particular name who’s led a particular kind of life, but an actual self only exists linguistically as an abstract concept we invented to differentiate one human body from the others in our speech. I am saying “I” and “you” in this essay, but these are just concepts of distinction which only exist out of linguistic convention in a totally boundless and inseparable field of experience.

Self-love in practice is therefore the deep, felt yessing of the core of this swirling, shifting, shapeless light show that is the human experience.

As you become more skillful at loving the core of your experience, you’ll notice yourself becoming more skillful at loving everything that comes up, including family, co-workers, animals, trees, music, the wind, the ground beneath your feet, and the sun upon your face. It’s like pouring water upon the point of a cone: by pouring love into the center of your experience, you ensure that it will spread outward and everywhere.

If you make a diligent practice of this, rejection will find less and less purchase within you, and you will quickly transform into a deeply loving and joyful being. And from there, miracles can happen. And a new world can be birthed through you.

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Being Sent a Blessing

I just came across this bit of journalling, written 6th May 2011, and thought it worth sharing. It illustrates the power of the mind, the power of intention, and the power of love.

I got home a little after seven. I left Andrew in the Emergency Department, looking quite comfortable and tucking into pumpkin soup. I think he was relieved to be there, getting some proper medical attention at last.

When I finally got to bed after feeding the cats and me, doing the laundry, checking the emails, and catching a bit of TV, I finally faced the empty pillow beside me. ‘Dearest Andrew,’ I murmured. Then, as I put my head on my pillow, I felt a wave of love and peace enfold me. I would have been surprised, if I hadn’t felt so calmed.

I mentioned it to Andrew when I saw him this morning. ‘I sent you a blessing,’ he said. It appeared he had purposely done that, thinking of me going to bed on my own and missing him. I had fully expected to miss him and be sad, as I usually am when he goes to hospital, but not this time. It was almost like him putting his arms around me. I slept soundly until morning, my cat Freya sleeping soundly beside me.

Are We Helpless in the Face of Disasters

Not entirely.

Once the flood, fire, earthquake or tsunami has happened, we can't undo it. But it's always useful to send Love energy to such situations, and to the people in them and the places where they occur.  If you're a Reiki practitioner, Reiki is one of the easiest ways to do that. Beam it at the TV screen when you're watching the news footage — either to the general scene or to individuals who are shown, or both. When you see those scenes in your head later, as you're bound to, again visualise and intend to 'zap' them with that energy or surround them in it.

This is a huge act of faith, as you will never know if it did any good. It is a time to recall the many instances when you have been able to get feedback and to know that Reiki helped a person or situation. Knowing that, trust that it will help in the large-scale disasters also, and remember that some Reiki is better than none.

Sometimes weather magick can prevent threatened disasters. Witches would probably just light a candle. In his book Urban Shaman, Serge Kahili King recounts instances of shamans banding together to successfully turn away destructive weather from population areas. Group energy is very powerful; for that reason it is also effective to take part in such events as world-wide meditations at specific times.

For people who aren't shamans or witches and don't know how to use Reiki, heartfelt prayer is also powerful. So are 'Love projections' where you get into a semi-meditative state and focus Love towards the person / place / situation. You can visualise it as white light if that makes it easier — or rainbow light, or pink light, or green, or gold — so long as you hold the understanding that this light is an expression of Love energy.

Humanity has been told by many teachers over the centuries that Love is the essential for making our lives work, having ourselves and our planet be healthy. It's a very difficult thing to do, to stay always in that state. Most of us have to catch ourselves —eventually! — when we fall out of it, pick ourselves up and start again. It is worth persevering. There is nothing that is so much worth doing.

I am now in my 'senior' years, with a great deal of life experience behind me. It becomes more and more apparent to me that Love is indeed the only thing that really matters. It's vital.