Forgive and forget?

Cross-posted from LiveJournal

I'm a Scorpio. Need I say more? (I'm also a writer, so I shall.)

I have experienced the fact that hatred and unforgivenes are poisons to oneself. But I like Ron Smothermon's definition of forgiveness (in the book Winning Through Enlightenment): 'giving up all claim to revenge'. (You might get revenge, but you can't be righteous about it ... and there will be consequences.) Forgiving the person frees up one's own energy to get on with life.

What forgiveness does NOT mean is condoning the behaviour, failing to hold the person accountable, going on as if nothing had happened, or keeping them in your life. You might choose to do any or all of those things, but then know it's a choice; it's not an inherent part of forgiveness, doesn't have to come with the territory.
I find it harder to forgive those who have wounded people dear to me than those who have done it directly to me. However, I know it is necessary for my own health, and in any case is not helpful to the people I care about. So I manage it.

In the few cases of serious betrayal I've experienced, my attitude to such persons is most certainly changed, and I have chosen to exclude them, implacably, from my life forevermore. Why would I keep people around me whom I disliked and distrusted?

If someone did something I considered despicable in a general kind of way, rather than personally to me or mine, and it was clear they meant it, yes my attitude to them would change: I would despise them for it, obviously. It might depend on the circumstances whether I called them on it or ignored it. I would probably say something rather than appear to condone it. I might continue to be polite thereafter, but they would not be numbered amongst my nearest and dearest.

 Leopards can change their spots — but it's rare, and I'd take a lot of convincing.